Saturday, June 15, 2013

"Home"


Washed up, in cleans pajamas and ready for bed, she prepared her room.

She lined her stuffed animals up under the bed; they were her faithful friends. Her lunchbox was filled with snacks and juice to last the night.

Suddenly hearing the car in the driveway, she grabbed her flashlight and scurried under the bed.

As the front door slammed, she heard the words, “I'm home.”

Story by: McGuffy Ann Morris
Image: Google Search

Linked to: 
Word Prompt: Home

47 comments:

  1. Stunningly frightening ... the imagination doesn't have to work hard to know why she is going under the bed. Great post, McGuffy ...

    Andrea @ From The Sol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. While this particular story is fiction, it is all too often a reality for some.

      Delete
  2. Love the haunting last sentence. Great work.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The simple innocence of this photo illustrates the beautiful innocence of this endangered child as well, a terrifying tale told in just five sentences, leaving us praying that what is unsaid doesn't happen... but we know that for so many children it does. Very well written, Annie - unsettling, which is what it needs to be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Josie. I appreciate your comments. You got it.

      Delete
  4. Wow! Wonderful how you can saw so much in just five sentences! And the image portrays such innocence! This has frightening undertones!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Pat. I really appreciate your comments.

      Delete
  5. I chose to add a happy ending to this and I can too. You left it open to the reader so a happy ending it is.

    Have a terrific day. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sandee, I understand if you need to do that. Hugs.

      Delete
    2. Oh I'll give you a happy ending ;)

      She heard his heavy boots thumping on the wooden stairs as he staggered up them one by one, heard the wood creak as he swayed this way and that, hauling on the bannister and slamming into the walls.

      Grabbing Mr Fluffy the rabbit and hugging him close to her chest, she curled up in a ball under the bed and listened, her body trembling, her heart in her mouth as he stumbled closer and closer to the top of the stairs.

      She tried to remember her mother, tried to picture her kind, smiling face, the face she had before all of those accidents...tried to imagine her mother telling her it would be alright, it would be over soon...

      She pictured his heavy work boots stomping up each stair of the rickety, creaking staircase, pictured his heel leaving the floorboard, his toe taking the pressure and pushing him up, up...

      Just then, she heard an almighty crash, heard him swear and shout, then, nothing; her grandmother had always said that old rotting staircase was a death trap.

      Delete
    3. Imaginator, I found it amazing that you felt lead to give the thought to this ending. In fact, I am stunned! I hope you visit more. I am glad you got the story.

      Delete
  6. Oh my gosh! Just a few words that conjure up such a nightmare.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hmmm...I have different thoughts about this...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am wondering what those thoughts are, Patty.

      Delete
  8. I want to remain hopeful that this is actually a nightly ritual of hide and seek of the joyous sort....but I have a feeling that is not where the story is heading. But I do know I want to hear more!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow. I'm like Sandee. I'm thinking optimistically.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, Roe. I understand, and it is good to be optimistic.

      Delete
  10. You always leave me wanting more! Good job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, M. It is a challenge to write a story in five sentences, and it isn't always going to be pretty.

      Delete
  11. The image you create with your words brings tears to my eyes.. That little girl scurrying round trying to protect herself - Wonderful writing..

    Thanks for your visit to me also...xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I appreciate your visiting and your comments. I hope to see more of you.

      Delete
  12. Replies
    1. "Five Sentence Fiction" leaves a lot to the imagination. It is a challenge to write, and often to read. Much of it is based on or inspired by reality, by life. I am wondering what you think.

      Delete
  13. Ann, we can't even imagine what some children goes through. I have shivers from reading this intro. It does happens all the time in secret. No need for any more words to pain the picture.
    Have a great weekend.
    Hugs,
    JB



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Julia. I know some writing is dark, but someone needs to be the voice for those who have none, for whatever reason. It is important.

      Delete
  14. I was that little girl. Well written. That fear so palpable.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I like that which you said to Julia. It is. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Broke my heart...mean it. Well done, packed a lot of emotion in a few words.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Donna. Your thoughts mean a lot.

      Delete
  17. I believe that it is important we acknowledge that such horrors exist in our world... and in our neighborhoods. Only then can we take a stand together against evil. I cried for this little girl, and for my grownup friends who carry the memories and bear the scars.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Josie. If we don't acknowledge this, we condone it, we allow it. I choose to be a voice for those who have no ability to use theirs, for whatever reason.

      Delete
  18. It's interesting I read this story as both chilling and uplifting. After reading all the comments I'm still mixed about it. No matter which way it was intended, it's a well written story. Well done enough to really make everyone...think.

    Barbara @ allmylivesnow.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am glad it made you think. I think that is good.

      Delete
  19. Wow. It was filled with such child-like sweetness, then took a sharp turn into something unsettling. Nice writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, that is exactly how it goes.

      Delete
  20. By the quiet lilt of the opening sentences, you framed the child's fear and made the ending that much more powerful. Very well done, McGuffy Ann.

    ReplyDelete
  21. That is one that grows on you the more you think about it - disturbing, nicely written!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks; that is exactly what I was going for.

      Delete
  22. The ambiguity in this is really good. I'm going to take the optimistic approach and go with playful hide and seek, but your writing is so strong, the dark alternative is just as plausible.

    ReplyDelete