Saturday, July 13, 2013

"Locked"


It was dark when Dale woke up confused, unable to move or speak. He could hear machines, and voices discussing a terrible accident involving him.

They were saying there was no hope, no possible way for him to recover.  He tried to tell them that he could hear them and that he would be fine, but they did not respond. 

Slowly, Dale realized in horror that he was trapped, locked within himself, with no way out.

Story by: McGuffy Ann Morris
Photo by: Photobucket

Linked to: 
Word Prompt: Locked

47 comments:

  1. And a nightmare that many of us fear happening to us. GREAT 5 sentence story! I did add subscrube by email. Thanks for the suggestion.

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    1. Thank you. Indeed, this is a real fear.

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  2. Ultimate horror!

    We can be deprived of our five little peep-holes; then we are really alone!

    A sharp story, full of the pathos in our human drama.

    To read and think!

    Thank you for this pretty gem!

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    1. Thank you for this. I appreciate your thoughts here!

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  3. This is excellent writing McGuffy!

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  4. Wow, that is pretty darn scary. Good writing though.

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    1. Thanks, Marg. I don't think I have ever been called scary, but this definitely is a scary scenario!

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  5. One reason I hate surgery. I'm afraid I'll be locked and no one would be wiser.

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  6. That is a good serving of helplessness and a scary scenario. It would be like being buried alive.
    Good writing and great imagination.
    Happy weekend

    Hugs
    JB

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    1. Exactly like that. Thanks, Julia. Hugs.

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  7. Scary as heck!
    Scott
    Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/07/12/five-sentence-fiction-fsf-locked-pg13/

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    1. Thanks, Scott. I appreciate your thoughts, as always

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  8. I really enjoy short fiction that does all that long fiction does. To be able to get you audience into the story and "feel" so much is quite an accomplishment - love Stella peeping under the blanket too. Thanks for the visit Ann.

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    1. Thank you, Liz. I am glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for the comment about the picture of Maggie, too!

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  9. That was scary, but it's been played out over and over and over. Very well done as always.

    Have a fabulous day. :)

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  10. It gave me a shiver of fear -- especially since medical people always sound so certain, even when they are so very wrong.

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    1. You are right about that, but it would be scary to be in this position.

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  11. Oh, that was scary. Enjoyed the neat and crisp narration, McGuffy.

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    1. Thank you, Panchali! I appreciate that.

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  12. Yikes! This was so well done, Annie, it gave me goosebumps just thinking about it because we know it can and does happen. Hearing is the strongest of our senses, patients have heard staff and visitors say incredible things in their presence! This is a terror I don't ever want to experience first-hand. You told the story so very well in just five sentences.

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    1. Thanks, Josie. I know it can & does happen. It would be a nightmare.

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  13. This is the ultimate prison.
    This is why I do these FSF posts - I would never have come up with this from the prompt and yet it fits perfectly! I learn something every week!

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    1. I agree. I like this writing challenge. It makes me think, and I like having to be concise. Hopefully our sharing makes us all better writers.

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  14. It is called "locked in syndrome". It happens most often with stroke patients, but an accident could cause the same thing. I have had patients like this ... there is nothing I can imagine that could be worse. This story hit home ... you really nailed it in 5 sentances ...

    Andrea @ From The Sol

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    1. Yes, it is called that. This is the worst story I could imagine from the prompt: locked. I always write from reality.

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  15. What a frightening scene!
    It could be called a fate worse than death.

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    1. I agree. It would be for me, I know. Thanks!

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  16. Every worse nightmare for us all I am sure. I am sure it happens. Nice one Ann.

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  17. Awful place to be...stuff of nightmares!

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  18. Wow, that is so evocative -- and terrifying!

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  19. Oh no! Such a horrifying, lonely experience. Very well executed. xx

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  20. Well done on tackling locked-in syndrome. My intial thoughts were to attempt something on the subject but I'm glad I didn't - yours is so good - the stuff of nightmares.

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  21. Such a scary story and so possible. Made me shudder.

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  22. Such a scary story and so possible. It made me shudder.

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  23. As always, very well done! Janet

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